To all mothers .... our SuperSheroes!
Article at a Glance
A few strategies our "mom council" leaned on to get through each day.
- Don’t be the SHEro.
- Have a team “captain” and recognize them.
- Create a “guilt-free” zone – for yourself.
“A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.”
— Gaspard Mermillod
Mothers are my SuperSHEroes! Mothers are usually their household’s CEO, CFO, CHRO, teacher, mentor, tutor, counselor, coach, mediator, unpaid Uber driver, first-aid administrator, in-house doctor, in-house hair, makeup and wardrobe coordinator, chef, server, busboy/girl, housekeeper, in-house supply chain coordinator....they are ALL of that and much, much more!
That’s a lot...hence, SuperSHEroes!
Let’s take a collective deep breath for all mothers....Deep breath in....hold it...let it go!
Over the last three years of my journey, I’ve had the opportunity to meet and speak with several moms going through their own breast cancer journey. Some as the patient, some as the caregiver, and many as both.
For every single one of these moms, their first priority was always their children. In fact, the comment that I most often heard from them was, “I want to live to at least see my children graduate from college”, or “I want to ensure my kids are ok even when I’m not here”. Others expressed how they often felt guilt about not being able to care for their children and family in the same way as they did before they began treatment. And most, felt they went from day-to-day with an incredible sense of being overwhelmed, and sometimes barely able to keep up with their ever-present demands.
I also spoke with some moms that had received their diagnosis shortly after having their first baby or during their pregnancy. It seems unfathomable to even grasp the reality of such an incredible challenge, on top of the immense responsibility that already comes with becoming a new mom! We were so moved by this that in this month’s newsletter to subscribers, we highlight an article specifically focused on understanding treatment options and impacts when facing a breast cancer diagnosis during pregnancy. And in this month’s podcast we take time to speak with a mom who’s also navigating her own journey.
A common thread that laced across each and every one of these amazing women was that they were doing their best to navigate their individual journey. And so, we asked if they would share a few strategies they’ve leaned on to get through each day. As always, we hope these will also serve you well.
1 | Don’t be the SHEro.
Now, you’re likely thinking, “wait, didn’t you open by saying mothers are your Sheroes?!?” And I did! I still believe in ‘sheroes’, but the point here is, YOU don’t need to set out to be one. Our “Mom Council” unanimously said they loved being thought of as a ‘shero’, but they stayed grounded by not striving for that designation. Specifically:
They regularly asked others for help: a core group of either friends or neighbors (or both) on whom they knew they could count on for regular back-up help. Regular is the key word here...sometimes you have folks who offer to help at the start of your journey, and then fade out. The point is to find the “regulars” who will be with you for the long haul.
They spoke up when the load was getting too heavy, and way before it could fall: While this was really hard to do for many, once they got into a routine of when to hit the “pause” button, it became less stressful for everyone. One of the moms shared she would routinely do a “pause button” check, at the end of each day, to see what was on her plate from the household for the next day. She would treat it like a project plan in thinking of who could take what “action item”. While it may feel like it’s easier to “just do it”...the “doer” doesn’t have to always be you.
2 | Have a team “captain” and recognize them.
Just like sports teams have a player who is also their captain. Our “Mom Council” said they had someone on their “team” who they appointed as the captain. And they would actually call that person “the captain”. This was especially cool when “the captain” was one of their older kids. Moms that were doing this said their families also started to feel honor for their captain, and thus it was a form of recognizing someone who was helping everyone do their best, and not just taking on more work by themselves...just like a team captain does for sports teams! Some examples of the captain’s role:
Helping to keep everyone in the family on track in doing their respective “family chores” (back to the project plan idea!).
During the week of treatment, being the main person with whom the mom checked-in to see how things were going with the “family chores”. This was helpful in that the moms didn’t have to ask each person if they had cleaned their room, packed their lunch, etc.
Helping plan fun activities...game nights, watching a movie together, or just some family together, but quiet time. In other words, just a way to chill without it having to be mom who thought of it or planned it.
3 | Create a “guilt-free” zone – for yourself.
Find a few things that truly bring you joy and take time to do those as a habit versus a “nice to do”. It does not have to be extravagant. Most of the time, it’s the little things that cumulatively add up to good or bad. So, if you enjoy reading, carve out 15-20 minutes to read. If you enjoy the outdoors, take 15-20 minutes to sit outside. Think about something healthy that brings you joy, and make that a priority for your healing. And don’t feel guilty in doing so, because it is a healing agent and healthy healing agents are guilt-free.
Key Takeaways
And so, I leave you with one key take away, if you remember nothing else from this article, know this: Moms, please know you are doing the most high work, but you can’t do it alone. Build “your team” and don’t forget to highly value and highly love yourself, so that you can live your best journey. YOU own this journey!
With love,
Amelia O.
