“My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.”

— Unknown

New Year’s resolutions have always been difficult for me to grasp, even though I have always been a goal-oriented, to-do-lister, project seeker and all-around pain-in-the-port type of person.  Whenever people ask me if I’ve set my ‘new year’s resolutions’, I always feel a bit spooked.

In my mind I hear them asking it in a whispery-husky-type voice...the one heard on some dark street, at night. Where the question starts with “psssst, have you...”

It’s true.

A resolution is typically defined as a firm decision to do or not to do something.

A cancer diagnosis can take ‘new year’s resolutions’ and have them for lunch.

This was especially true for me in early 2019. I can look back on the start of that year so clearly. I remember giving a presentation for work that January and speaking about our goals. Among the details, were points about how they were going to be challenging, but that we had the courage to make them happen. Little did I know just how much challenge and courage....

All that went flying out the window in April of that year when I heard the words: “It’s cancer”.

And I learned, that while it is absolutely healthy to have goals (and resolutions), you need to first start with yourself. And seek to really understand how, anything that you are seeking out to do or not to do, (big or small), is actually taking care of YOU! Understanding this principle is essential.

Now you may be saying to yourself, this may be essential, but it is a seemingly impossible way to think about goals or resolutions. Especially when you’re juggling other peoples’ goals and resolutions. But, know this, one of the many lessons I’ve learned through these past (almost) three years of scans, biopsies, chemo, more scans and more chemo is that without YOU, you can’t have goals or resolutions.

Before you set out to “resolve” yourself in this new year, it must start with you truthfully knowing what is important to you and why.

How does it serve you? Why does it matter? Who is benefiting the most from it? What is the price you are paying (materially or spiritually)?  Can you afford to spend it?

So, why all the questions? Because we don’t just want you to read, we want you to grow and heal.

If you’ve taken the time to answer the questions we just asked, read on. We’re sharing two key practices, I have personally found helpful and hope they will also serve you well. 

1) Learn to be kind to yourself  

No one can fully appreciate the difficulty of a cancer diagnosis and treatment journey except those physically living in it day-to-day. I say this humbly, and mean no disrespect to those caring for those who are physically living with treatment, and the ongoing journey. It starts with the patient. You, the patient, have to learn to be kind to yourself.

Imagine you being the one caring for a loved one with cancer. How would you speak to them? My guess is, with great compassion. Speak that way to yourself.

And by this, I mean a few things:

• Don’t put yourself down

• Don’t be overly critical of yourself

• Be polite to yourself

• Be understanding to yourself

• Be respectful to yourself

• Get to know what you really want and need and why you think so

2) Practice building good habits vs. just setting “goals” or “resolutions”

I am still an active student in this space. I love having goals. But more and more, I am realizing that the natural and unavoidable impermanence of life shifts the focus to needing a way to achieve, versus just the act of achievement.

Work on “ways to achieve” ... start a simple yet repeatable practice that helps you. For example, I listen to soft meditation music while sitting in the chemo chair. I find that listening to the sound of gentle rain and ocean waves is particularly helpful in calming my anxiety during the actual treatment session.

So is Benadryl, btw…

But, back to the habit…

I began the practice of listening to soft music early on in my treatment. And now, after over seventy+ rounds of chemo, it is a good habit. For me, this is more helpful than just setting a goal to “be successful in each of my treatments”.

Once a good habit becomes part of your treatment journey, it will amplify your healing, because it becomes woven into how you and your body move through the journey. It’s powerful.

With love,
Amelia O.