“The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”

—  Alfred Adler

One of the things I most often hear about from fellow cancer patients, irrespective of prognosis or phase in the journey, is the need to “feel normal”...even if just for a moment. It is a sentiment to which I can deeply relate. As cancer patients, especially those of us in ongoing, active treatment, life feels mostly abnormal by anyone’s standards. But what exactly are the standards of the definition of normalcy?

What is normal?

Normal is defined in so many ways, that it can feel, frankly, abnormal to say, “this is what normal looks like”, or should look like. So, I thought it would be good to first look at the most practical and common definitions.  

Let’s pretend we’re at the library doing some research! 

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, in present day, normal is perhaps most often used to mean “conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern”.  Normal came to English around the 17th century, from the Latin normalis, which means "made according to a carpenter's square, forming a right angle”. In late Latin, normalis had a number of extended meanings, such as “according to rule,” and these were also adopted into English in the 17th century. Over the years, the definition of normal has continued to change and grow, and today may also mean (among many other things) “occurring naturally,” and even “containing neither basic hydroxyl nor acid hydrogen”.

There you have it....

Of all of these possible meanings presented by the dictionary, the words that most resonated with me were, “containing neither basic hydroxyl nor acid hydrogen”...Ok, just kidding! A little humor for you...No, the words that most resonated with me were, “occurring naturally”.  

So the lens through which I’d like to look for our topic today is the notion of recognizing the things in your journey (even if just a few), that are “occurring naturally”. 

When I think about the last four and a half years of my journey and all the failures and triumphs that have come with eight distinct chemo regimes and over ninety-plus individual chemo treatments in just four and a half years, I will share what first comes to mind when I say, “I feel that these things are occurring naturally”:

• My faith’s role in my endurance.

• My loved ones’ (ALL of them!) support...especially my partner, in the treatment room.

• My mind’s ability to navigate the numerous sharp turns without skidding.

• My body’s ability to respond to and sustain me through the treatments and beyond.

• My soul’s ability to grant me patience and grace with myself.

What about you? 

When you really think about things “occurring naturally” in your journey and even say out loud, “I feel that these things are occurring naturally”, what comes to mind? 

Take a moment and try to visualize what that looks like, feels like.

Don’t overthink it, just let it flow naturally. Take a few deep breaths in and out...write down what comes to mind if that’s helpful to you.  

And while you may start with “big ticket” items (i.e. similar to the ones I shared), as you do this practice on a regular basis, your list may begin to include the “smaller ticket/high value” items that also matter greatly and bring you a sense of normalcy.  

To that end, here are some of my personal “small ticket/high value” items of “things that are occurring naturally”:

• Enjoying a delicious meal with my partner, at our favorite Italian restaurant, when my stomach feels well.

• Treating myself to an ice cream or a hot chocolate, again, when my stomach feels well.

• Enjoying an extra-long walk with my dog when I don’t have neuropathy pain in my feet.

• Traveling to somewhere special when I am not fatigued because of chemo.

• Enjoying a nice drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway, without being car sick. 

I invite you to try this exercise of identifying things that are occurring naturally in your life (both big and seemingly small) and hence are “normal”.

In fact, I think you will find it to be quite healing and a practice you can (and should) incorporate throughout your cancer journey.  

So, tell me, what’s on your “feeling normal” list?

With love,
Amelia O.